Double Date, Double Disaster
by Implying Implications
Summary: One-shot semi-crack fic. Cody has invited Gwen out on a date. Not wanting it to be awkward, he invites Noah and Izzy along to make it a double date. Chaos, sarcasm, alcohol, awkward conversations, and being stood up ensue.


**I decided to work this up after playing a video game with this premise. That and I needed something silly to trump my writer's block with.**

**Also, Total Drama never happened in this fic. The characters are in their early to mid twenties in this fic. This'll be a two-shot. Maybe a three-shot, depending.**

**This fic is rated a hard T for language, alcohol, and suggestive themes.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Total Drama, nor its characters. Nor do I own the game that inspired me to write this, Dinner Date.**

* * *

"She told me my gapped tooth was cute!" Cody Anderson gushed, "Girls don't usually say that, right? Well, aside from Sierra." The twenty-three year old geek shuddered at the reminder of his stalker.

His two companions, Izzy Blythe and Noah Fanar, responded to that both in their own way. Izzy cheered Cody on, while Noah just offered a bored, "Meh."

Cody had invited Izzy and Noah to join him on a double date at his house. Izzy was more than happy to oblige, but Noah felt awkward on a double date with his best friend, Owen Nicholson's ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was talked into it to be fair to Cody, and hear the three of them were: at Cody's dining room table, waiting for the awkward guy's dream date, Gwen Everett.

Two bottles of wine set out on the table, Cody and Izzy eyeing them impatiently while Noah just continued to read a book he brought on his dinner date.

"Man," Cody groaned, "She's late."

"Do you blame her?" Noah callously asked, before being kicked in the shin under the table by Izzy, "Ow!"

Cody glared at the librarian for a minute before continuing, "LeShawna hasn't called either. She said she'd tell me when Gwen was off her shift."

"It's okay, Codemeister," Izzy tried to cheer Cody up, before adding, "She probably just slipped on some ice and hurt her head is all!"

"Helpful," Noah sarcastically chimed in.

Cody's eyes grew wide, "You don't think that happened, do you?!"

"Of course not," the tanned male responded, rolling his eyes, "She's a big girl. She can handle herself."

"Ooh!" Izzy cooed, grabbing Cody's hand, "I know what could pass the time! My cousin's friend's brother's aunt's second-cousin-twice-removed's sister's divorcee's girlfriend knows a girl named Dawn who taught me how to read palms! That'll tell me if she's coming or not!"

"No!" Cody exclaimed, freeing his hand, "Besides, I'm already nervous enough. Work's been driving me up the wall. I need this date. Besides, Tyler set me up with her and would be pissed if I blew it."

"Sure you don't just need therapy?" Noah mouthed again before being kicked once more by his ginger haired date, "Yeow! Would you stop that?!"

The guilty party on inflicting Noah pain spoke up again, "Sure you don't need me to see into your soul?"

"No no," the nervous bachelor shook his head, "Thanks anyway, Iz. Besides, remember when Tyler hooked me up with that Heather chick?"

"The one who dumped you mid date for the Spanish hunk of man meat?" Noah deadpanned, smirking.

Izzy giggled, "He said 'man meat.' It's funny because he kissed a guy."

"No, I didn't!" "No, he didn't!"

"Suuuure," Izzy drawled, grinning slyly.

Cody rolled his eyes, "Look, guys. I'm just sure that Gwen's the one. Especially in comparison to Heather. But... Something tells me I should have invited her to the party at Geoff's instead."

"Never a good sign," the tanned cynic flipped a page in his book, "She gets drunk. Makes out with a guy sporting a green mohawk. Bad ending for you, my friend."

Izzy nodded, "Exactamundo! Say, I know what would ease you up!"

"Reading my palms?" Cody boredly entertained the wild girl's suggestion.

"No, silly billy!" she declined, "Turn on the television and chillaxicate!"

"Which isn't even a word-" Noah cut himself off, wagging a finger in Izzy's face, "If you even try kicking me again, I'll call the RCMP." Izzy pouted, but not for long.

"Might as well watch TV," the dejected tech geek sighed, "It's already ten minutes past seven. She's probably not coming."

Putting his book down on the table and leaning back in his chair, Noah replied, "Wow. And I thought I was the cynical one around here."

Cody mused for a minute before nodding, "Yeah. Yeah, you're right, Noah! I don't have time to be so pessimistic! She probably just missed her bus! Yeah, she's so elegant and mysterious, she's probably trying to be fashionably late!"

"Who writes your material?" Noah asked, arching a brow, "Even Romeo wasn't as much of a lovesick puppy over love at first sight."

"You're just jealous that you can't get a date that's not Izzy, Noah," Cody teased, "Maybe Goths are fashionably late."

"Or," Izzy cut in, "Maybe she's sacrificing a kitten to Chthulu!" Her two friends stared at her like she had three heads, and she added, "What? That's definitely a gothic thing, right?"

"I really don't think so," Cody confusedly answered, before hearing his stomach growl and saying, "Getting hungry. Did I even lunch?"

"'Did I even lunch?'" Noah repeated, "I don't know, is that even a coherent sentence?"

He rolled his eyes, correcting himself, "I can't remember if I ate lunch today."

"Then make yourself a sandwich!" Izzy suggested, before adding, "As long as you don't make me make it because I'm a girl. E-Scope doesn't play those games!"

"I already cooked dinner for the four of us," he explained, "Don't wanna ruin it, you know."

"Then let's eeeeat!" Izzy whined, "I knew we should have gotten take out!"

"Take out," Noah thought aloud, "Gee, Izzy, how romantic."

"Guys, come on," Cody sighed, "I'm serious. This is probably the only chance I have. I should be happy that Tyler's looking out for my sex life anyway."

"Calm down," Noah levelly shot back, "You should try the internet. There's a lot of people on the internet, none of which who care about this crap at all."

"Okay, I'll calm down," he sighed again, "I'm not trying the internet for love though. But I think I _will_ try a bit of this wine!" Cody's arm reached for one of the wine bottles in front of the three, only to get his hand slapped by Noah.

The pale brunette glared at the Indian brunette who simply answered, "If you care so much about this date, I'm not letting you get drunk."

"Drink _all _of the wine!" Izzy cheered, pumping her right fist in the air.

"Not yet," Noah disagreed, "Gwen might still be coming."

Cody's teal eyes rolled around in his head, "There's nothing wrong with a sip of wine, Noah."

"There's a lot of things wrong with a sip of wine," he countered, "You're a lightweight and you know it."

"Just a glass?" Cody pleaded.

"No."

"Yes!" Izzy added.

"Please?"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Please?"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Watch her show up with you freaking sloshed," Noah further explained, before putting on a fake drunk voice for emphasis, "'Heeey! You're gothic and I find that sexay!' None of us want to be around for that."

Izzy scoffed, smirking, "Says you."

"Come on, Noah," Cody put on puppy dog eyes, "Just a sip?"

"Okay, fine," Noah finally conceded, "But _just _a sip."

* * *

Cody had drained his first glass of wine, and so had Izzy, while Noah hadn't even touched his. He frowned, annoyed at Cody, uttering, "Last time I checked, a whole glass is more than a sip." It didn't help that Izzy had shouted praises such as, "All of it!", "Chug-a-lug!", and "Straight from the bottle!"

The host of the date shrugged as he brought a plate of bread for appetizers onto the table, "Your sip and my sip are two different things. I do feel bad about starting to eat though. But just sipping wine while waiting'd look crappy."

"And would look crappier if you ate before she came," Noah was beginning to lose some patience.

"Nono," he chuckled slyly, "When she rings the doorbell, I'll go, 'Just a minute!' and make it look like nothing was eaten! Heheh, 'Just a minute!'"

Noah facepalmed. Cody was definitely tipsy or worse at this point. Izzy acted like she got his horrible joke though and replied, "You clever man! But seriously, don't just sit there! Stuff your mouth with some bread!"

Cody obliged, trailing his fingers up the plate of bread to grab one towards the back, stating, "We should have just went to Geoff's party. She probably would have met me then."

"I think you're pursuing someone out of your league," Noah snorted, earning him a glare from Cody, "No wonder she isn't showing up."

Ignoring Noah, Cody dipped his piece of bread in his special homemade dip and set it in his plate. Izzy stared at the dipped bread before asking, "What the hell did you just dip that in? Don't you know you're supposed to dip bread in pickle juice?!"

"That sounds so digusting!" Cody grimaced at Izzy, "Besides, this is a recipe I got from DJ, it's delicious!"

"He's also the same guy who got tricked into studying in the mountains by Scott and got chased back down by a bear," Noah deadpanned, "If one thing was wrong with the recipe, the guy'd probably freak out and make it worse."

Izzy, tired of the conversation about bread, snatched the piece of dipped bread in Cody's place and forced ot in his mouth, smiling all the while.

"Delicious!" Cody exclaimed after getting over the shock of Izzy force-feeding him, before adding, "Say, guys, do you think I should keep working under Mr. McLean?"

"I care?" Noah was getting tired of Cody's continuance to change the subject, "Besides, McLean's a schmuck and you know it- Cody, do not eat another one of those!"

But it was too late, Cody already had another piece of bread in his hands, continuing his rant, "Maybe you're right, Noah. What does Chris do anyway as the big boss? Sits at his desk and fiddles with his iphone, that's what!"

"Gasp!" Izzy exclaimed, "The hell, McLean?!" Noah stared blankly at Izzy's over-the-top shout before slamming his head on the table, mumbling, "I'm surrounded by idiots."

"The hell, indeed!" the intoxication was obviously well in Cody by this point, "Oh yeah! He does the lunches, but always gets it from that horrible Hatchet catering company!"

"I bet he does," Izzy acknowledged, nodding rapidly, shoving another piece of bread in his hands after he had finished his last piece, "Eat more bread! Forget about Chris and become a bread basket! Gwen doesn't deserve your bread!"

"Seriously, Izzy?" Noah sighed, exasperated, as he watched Cody dunk his new piece in DJ's dip, "Okay. I know I'm not the biggest example of masculinity in the world, but you dip like a girl."

"You do everything you do like a girl, Noah," Cody countered before asking, "Think we should just bail and go riding? It's been thirty minutes."

"Can I turn on the radio?" Noah asked in return, "You know, and drown out your pointless questions?"

"Why did I even invite you?" Cody asked the bookworm as he grabbed another piece of bread and dunked it twice in the dip.

Izzy burst out into laughter, confusing the two boys, before asking, "Hahaha, did ou just double dip?! Ha!"

"Yeeeeah?" Cody seemed confused as all hell.

"Even Ezekiel isn't that bad, Cody!" the psycho girl continued to cackle.

"What's wrong with double dipping?" Noah asked, arching a brow.

Izzy leaned closer across the table to get in Noah's face before loudly proclaiming, "Everything!" The snarky male then used a napkin on the table to wipe Izzy's spit off of his face.

"Wll you guys behave?" Cody interrupted, "You're both in your twenties now. Act like it. Besides, this is the first time a girl's been in my house in forever! ...When she arrives. ...And uh, not saying you're not a girl, Izzy."

"Yeah, about that," Noah replied, in his trademark deadpan tone, tucking his napkin in his lap, "Don't you think we should have had a double date at a, oh I don't know, restaurant? Not as creepy as inviting a girl to your house of all places."

"I do it all the time though," Izzy replied, earning her an odd look from the other two, "Besides, I'm sure he's just lonely!"

"Still," Noah didn't budge, "Asking someone to a restaurant sounds a lot better than, 'Come to my house, pretty gothic girl.' Do you even know anything about her?"

"I know she likes poetry!" Cody defended, before reciting a poetry verse, "'She turned upon her pillow, pale she lay; her dark eyes flashing through her tears like...' Something."

"Like bread?" Izzy offered, munching on a piece.

Noah added, "Like a lovesick young man speaking in verse?"

"I was speaking in verse for a reason," Cody flashed his gap-toothed grin, "Nothing under 120 BPM can please her. But I'm willing to please her as fast as possible."

Silence.

He then admitted, "Okay, that sexual innuendo was bad for even me."

"You think?" Noah chuckled.

"It's okay," Izzy patted him on the shoulder, "I've heard worse when I was dating Owen. Here, have some more bread."

Cody grabbed another piece of the bread and added, "I do want sex with her though."

Noah, who was sipping his wine, spat at that, spraying Izzy with it.

"What the hell?" Noah asked, ignoring what he just did to Izzy, "You don't go for that on the first date! What do you take her for?"

"A piece of meat," Izzy pointed out, bluntly, not caring that she was now wet from wine.

"Not to mention how quickly you jumped to it, too," Noah added, "'I would like to read poetry to her. I'd also like to bang her.'"

"I can't help it!" Cody defended again, "Those slender legs... Making her cry out in joy... It's just nice to think of her."

"It's nice to think of her naked?" Izzy definitely wasn't helping.

"Well, no," he shook his head, "I also can't wait to see her face when she tries the food!"

Noah stared at Cody for a minute before finally saying, "I'm now eighty percent sure you're drunk off your ass."

"Or the bread's poisoned," Izzy suggested, shrugging.

Cody rolled his eyes at Izzy, before asking, "You guys think she's coming?"

"Doubtful," Noah snorted, "I wouldn't. By now, I would have decided that I was a strong, independent gothic woman who don't need no tiny sausages."

Cody groaned in frustration at Noah, before saying, "Maybe we should just go see a movie or something. Or do something useful."

"Like letting me get Dawn to read your hand?" Izzy asked, as Noah picked up a piece of bread in hopes to tune the two out for a moment.

"No!" Cody exclaimed, "But... Close! 'Cause, you know what? Screw Tyler! I can find a girl on my own! ...After we eat the soup I cooked!"

"Yeah!" Izzy agreed, "Screw Tyler, obtain soup!"

"And maybe a little more wine," he continued, nodding.

Noah shook his head, "No. No more wine. Like I said, you're a lightweight."

"Well she probably isn't coming," Cody rationalized, "If she isn't, might as well drown my sorrows. If she is, then maybe she enjoys party animals!"

"But you'll be an incoherent horn dog," he snarked back, "Not a party animal."

"Chug-a-lug!" Izzy chanted, "Chug-a-lug! Chug-a-lug!"

Cody grinned, and put the bottle of wine up to his mouth and swigged as Noah shook his head and excused himself to go to the bathroom. This was going to be a long night. For Gwen's own well-being, it probably would be for the best if she didn't even show up.


End file.
